Just a short blurb (no I’m kidding haha) about how once I got raped, or maybe just once I opened my eyes properly, I’ve been half frightened of my fellow human beings ever since.

Right, so this is what I wax lyrical to my poor husband about nearly every time we take a road trip: why are so many people so goddamn stupid? … And not just stupid, but mean! Or Greedy! Or Perverted! Self righteous schmucks! … And most terrifying, some have all those qualities in one body. 

I admit, lately I’ve been having conniptions about trump. No, not really trump. But his sheep, including some people I am trying very hard to keep respecting. I don’t like sheep: these are the folks that repeat. Especially loud things. Think Animal Farm sheep. They really exist! So I don’t take much offense to what trump says because, hey, he’s an individual and I dismissed him a long time ago. Ever since that silly show of his.  But, what boggles my mind is the way the sheep run to defend him. They parrot out playground taunts of ‘lying ted’ and ‘crooked hillary’ and ‘dishonest media’, mimicking the way trump likes to emphasize his points by shouting and being sensitive to dissenting opinions.   Like trump, they use insults and attacks and evasions rather than discussions and actually, thoughtfully answering questions. But hell, that’s what both candidates do, but trump, and his less independent thinking supporters, take it to an extreme. 

Okay, yes, I’m writing this with particular people in mind, but there are lots of them. They use words like ‘hoax,’ and ‘everyone loves to hate him’ and ‘ every one of them … [Hates freedom/hates an honest opinion/wants to destroy America/etc], and splash on the superlatives, the nevers and always and best and worst, blah. I can’t take anyone seriously who talks like that.  I used to try to be fair in deciding who to vote for: no single candidate has ever stood for all the things I support.  I grew up learning how to shoot targets and my father hunted and was a huge advocate of having the right to own them.  My father was also the kind of man who would absolutely join a militia to defend our country, from itself or from any other enemy. But he wasn’t a fanatic who tried to create chaos in order to exercise that right. He didn’t WANT to join a militia or have to defend himself, but he wanted to have it because this isn’t utopia, and because he liked venison and maybe squirrel meat. So I support the right for people to own guns…  With some decent limitations. You really don’t need an Uzi, dad. Really. 

I have lots of romantic discussions with my spouse about what he says are politics.  He offers me up more conservative (I think) ideas. Like regarding welfare! I did peace corps so my dad might call me a bleeding heart liberal (haha, he also liked to call the British pompous asses, but then again, mom used to have a British suitor that gave dad good competition), but I now believe that free help isn’t the best way to go. Impoverished people of any background need quality education and a safe and healthy life. Yea! Okay I give : when it comes to kids I don’t want money to get in the way of anything they need for a quality life. This does not include Nike shoes or brand name phones.  

What Im talking about is young adults and adults: there is dignity and self respect that comes with work and self improvement opportunities.  Charity without the end in sight I think creates dependence and puts the giver in a very awkward role: sooner or later you get accused of being stingy if you don’t give away all your shit. And the receiver doesn’t break free. It’s the whole give a fish vs teach them to fish.  And to make hooks and rods. And tips.  But the work, and the reward, is theirs. That’s hard because it requires you to have skills and the time to teach them, and realize that it’s not instant gratification.  They will fail, but they have to learn to keep trying.  

I spent two years (well.. 26 months where every day was longer) teaching at a rural high school in a village for free, with the perks of a small monthly stipend (read about $200), free room, health care ish, and a nice sum of several thousands at the end for transitioning back to my home country.  I look back and say, aw, my students had hope and a teacher that cared and showed up to class. And that is important. But I would have preferred to change the school system, or to change the attitude of the teachers, or to make anything lasting beyond those two years and those 200 students.  Sustainable! 

I don’t give to charity anymore unless I see a lasting impact.  And the best thing anyone can do for an adult is to give them a job.  If you train them well and they just don’t respect you, then they don’t deserve the job. There are many others equally needy who would work hard and feel good to earn a living.  

I keep in mind my first cousin, who has four children by several fathers.  That’s all right. But while she was on welfare she got a boob job. She stripped her clothes and danced for a …living… So in her mind, it must have been an investment. And boy, did grandma notice those melons and tic tacs during our reunion! I wonder if my cousin’s kids might have had a better life if their mom had used the money to get a day job. Spent time in the evenings with her children after school. Or used the money for a better apartment in a better neighborhood. Or after school activities.  Anything more than getting bigger tits. Now, her kids all had kids of their own when they were teens… But I remember being only a few years older than one of the girls, and we played with my dog back when she was maybe 12. Acting just like me, childish and getting slobbered on and quite happy. She deserved a better mom. 

My point is that I don’t like welfare the way it is.  My mom earned about $12k after dad died. The social security helped, but only a little. mom didn’t want us to have to change our lives, so she picked up two more jobs.  No life insurance (dad!) but the house was paid off.  We lived in a home that hated debts. We never got free lunches, or went on welfare. Mom really suffered and it was to make our childhood as comfortable as possible without a father. 

I meet people who are like us, who have a lot of pride and don’t want charity, even when we really need help. When such people go on welfare, it is because they desperately need it for basic living.  It is the cushion between having and not having food to feed your family, of sleep in a bed with a roof.  For basic health care. Some people deserve to be on welfare, and they are usually the ones that hate being on it, or simply can’t (not wont) function without that aid. And, with the boost from welfare, they find a way to bring in more money, in a way that suits their dignity and self respect.  If this is what welfare could be about, yes, I will donate my money (in the form of taxes) to support it. It could be me, after all. 

But don’t take advantage of a generous system and get a boob job! I want welfare to update so actual lazy people (and to give credit, I don’t think most people are lazy) or selfish people who won’t take care of their children, don’t get free money with no standards. My cousin needed more than checks and food stamps, she needed a guide on how to be a better parent. 

So, in some issues, I am more conservative.  I don’t think liberals are insane to want to take away guns, or to pour money into people who do nothing for themselves.  I think it’s not smart to never address the national debt, and to keep giving reasons for big companies to move overseas (I guess the USA charges a heck of a lot more in taxes).  But none of these things are immoral or unethical or make me think my country will kill itself. Nothing the democrats have said strike me as pre apocalypse. I am sick of Hillary skirting around the emails. It really is dishonest.  I am incredulous that she claimed to be poor, after all those speaking fees.  But has she verbally attacked people? Seeded suspicions of anyone’s religion while they were in office?  She hasn’t, as far as I know, incited anyone to violence or gained white supremacist support. If she had I would blast her for it. It would destroy everything I hold dear in this country, and I would hold her accountable. 

And that’s where I am so completely baffled. Trump did talk like that. And so many people, educated people, don’t want to take it for what it is. Let go of your blind loyalties and just think about what the man is really saying! 

I tried to explain to my father in law, a bit hard with Fox News anchors speaking loudly (why do they speak so loudly on that news channel? Grates my eardrums), why I didn’t like trump.  I offered him direct quotes from the candidate.  I guess I assumed it was obvious, but my father in law immediately defended not what trump said, but by attacking the people trump was talking about.  He brought up Betty white being a bad person and that Rosie o Donnell also said terrible things. Eh? I don’t care about what they said, I’m taking about a possible future president of my country saying things that my generation thought was long established as wrong: blaming the way we treat you on our periods? Joking about having a young and beautiful piece of ass? I don’t… Hm. I am not quick with words, I can’t twist them. I’d never be a good lawyer.  I’m not twisting what the man said: if your boss said those things in the workplace, you’d know immediately what an asshole he was. But maybe I’m wrong, because so many people I respect think it is okay. 

Worse, they think it is my fault for saying it is wrong.  I am too sensitive and, evil of evils, I must be a goddamn feminist. What? For pointing out prejudice? Wow… And that’s just a conversation about how he talked about women. Let alone that obnoxious hypothetical wall, the south of the wall rapists, and the thinly veiled hints (oh, I mean ‘saaaaaarcasm’) about obamas secret lordship of Isis. 

It is scary because that’s how people talk about rape, too. I know, I’ve read and listened.  You are as likely to get the hatred and spite of the general public by being the victim as you are the rapist.   Oh, those whiny females! It’s just a prick! 

I don’t know … I used to think Americans were some of the best people in the world. I’ve traveled a lot so I had lots to compare. But maybe we just hid it better, because of social pressure, and trump gave the excuse to let our true selves show.  After all, if such a public figure can say those things, who can dare presume to tell me not to?  

Everything about this election is enough to vote for an armadillo in office. If Hillary would just … Say, take it or leave it, here is everything you want to know. I am an open book. I’d probably vote for her and hope her economic plan changes. 

But yeah right. 


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